I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
