Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
