My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just pee around me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
