my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
