So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
