Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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