Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
