No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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