Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize