I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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