Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
