So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize