Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
