How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize