I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drake has all the answers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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