i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Farmville is her only friend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
