I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
