please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
