if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
