I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
True strength comes from lack of pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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