she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't motorboat a personality
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
