I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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