My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
