yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
