Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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