hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
