I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
