Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize