i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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