I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
either way he was missing a nipple.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize