Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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