2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
