I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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