I need help removing her.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
