When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
