anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
