um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
