Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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