At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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