I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
