Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
