Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize