were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
time to smoke my breakfast
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
