Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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