SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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