Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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