I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
