Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
