I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
