I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
