Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
