I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
