The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
