I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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