A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Randomize
