nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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