Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
