I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
