i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize