we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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