oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize