Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
