She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
