He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
