Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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