ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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