Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
