Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
