did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize